My Worst Flaw

I spend a reasonable amount of time talking about how awesome I am (I do really good job of it), or, barring that, talking about how awesome my friends are (one of my strengths). So I spend a lot of time focusing on positivity (please feel free to contact me for tips on focusing on positivity, I sort of rock at it), which is important, because the world is hellbent on keeping me down. I talk about how wonderful I am because sometimes I am the only person doing so, and my voice is just as important to hear as everyone else’s (David Sedaris once told me I have a great voice).

But it’s important to not lose sight of things I actually need to work on. I like to say I feel confident and happy with myself 87% of the time, a historic high. But that confidence can bar me from focusing on stuff I have to work on, of which there is plenty. I’m good at a lot of things, but here’s what I want to be good at next: knowing on what I’m not good at, and what I need to improve on. This isn’t antagonistic, it’s honest. When I call myself “perfect,” I don’t mean I am without flaw; I am reclaiming a face and a body and a being that is so rarely thought to be valuable, let alone commendatory. But we can’t skip past the weeds in a rush to get to the flowers — I don’t exist solely in positive attributes. I fuck up regularly and spectacularly. The persistent, and necessary, self-love mentality of late needs more room for improvement: we’re too quick to dissuade each other from discussing our faults, drowning out any valid self-criticism out of fear of looking rude. (The alternative: accusing people of looking for compliments when they’re just trying to make a point. We can’t win.) Why are we so quick to disavow criticism when it comes from ourselves?

I’ve too busy feeling myself to fix myself, ignoring my foibles because I was too concerned with presenting the image of security and confidence. But to be truly secure means accepting what you succeed at and what you can improve on, and being ok with both. This month, I asked “what’s your biggest flaw,” because it’s important to know what we’re still working on.